


Undeserved

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, M/M, Series: Victims of Love, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-06-30
Updated: 2000-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-10 13:12:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11127648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ray's leaving...This story is a sequel toUnconditional.





	Undeserved

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Undeserved - by Ashinae  


**Rating/Warning:** R for language  & adult content. Slash.   
**Pairing:** Fraser/Vecchio   
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Just like playing with them.   
**Spoilers:** yep, sort of. I mean, if you *don't* know what happened to Ray Vecchio during season 3...   
**Summary:** Ray's leaving...   
**Notes:** It continues! MWAH HAH! This is part five. It takes place right after "Unconditional." If you're missing things, it started with "Untouchable," then "Unbreakable," "Unbelievable," then "Unconditional."   
My thanks continue to go out to Jo and Sally. :)   
Unbeta'd. My mistakes, my weirdness, blame me. 

Feedback is good for the soul! 

* * * * *

**UNDESERVED** \- June, 2000   
by Ashinae 

I am such an asshole. 

If he knew right now, I wouldn't blame him for punching me and kicking me out of his apartment and his life forever. 

But knowing Benny the way I do, he would swallow his pride and his emotions, and tell me that I have to do what I have to do, and duty and blah blah blah... 

Stupid Mountie. 

Stupid fucking *me* for doing this to him. I haven't even done it to him yet, and I already feel guilty, as I should because I am such a *moron.* I hate myself. 

I hate him for making me hate myself. And I love him and hate him more because he'll understand and he'll forgive me for-- 

For doing exactly what I promised him I wouldn't do. 

I don't deserve him and his love and his perfect-ness and I don't deserve this pain or this life or anything else. Because I am a stupid bastard for giving up the best thing that ever happened to me. For not being proud enough to tell the world that my name is Ray Vecchio and I am in love with Benton Fraser and to hell with all of you who think it's sick and wrong because I am going to love him forever and neener-neener- neener! 

Well, except maybe the neener-neener-neener part cause that's just juvenile. 

He probably thinks that tonight, the way I acted when we made love, was just because I don't want him to go away on vacation. 

If only he knew. 

I wanted to claim him, mark him as my own, stamp his ass with "Property of Ray Vecchio" and make him mine forever. I can't do that. I can't do that to him because I'm leaving, for God knows how long and oh my *God* how can I do this to Benny? 

He's too beautiful. I don't understand how anyone could want to hurt him because he's so beautiful, so trusting, so wonderful and understanding and damn them *all* for trying to hurt my Benny. If I could, I'd protect him from the whole big awful world, wrap him up in all the love I have for him and keep him isolated from anything that could do him harm. But I can't do that, I know I can't. 

I definitely can't do that from Las Vegas. 

*Goddammit* what was I thinking when I said yes? 

How come he always wakes up when I'm thinking and watching him sleep? His eyes open and focus on me and he reaches up and touches my cheek. He always says-- 

"You should be sleeping, Ray." 

"Nahh, Benny. I'm good." 

"You have to drive me to the airport tomorrow... or rather, this afternoon, Ray. I don't want you falling asleep at the wheel." 

"I'll be fine." 

He frowns a little but doesn't press the issue. He just says, "I love you, Ray," and I feel even more like the asshole I already am. 

I'm *such* a bastard! 

I try to smile at him when he rubs his hand down my neck. His frown deepens and I * know* he wants to ask me what's wrong. 

I should have stayed at home last night... I shouldn't have come up here. I'm running out of excuses to tell Ma as to why I didn't sleep in my own bed. Truth is, uncomfortable as it is, I like Benny's bed a hell of a lot more, because Benny's in it and he isn't in mine. 

But I can't tell her that because it would probably kill her. * 'How did she die?' 'She found out her only son takes it up the ass.' * 

I sigh and lean my head on Benny's chest. I can't do this. I can't let him go only to have him come back and find out I'm not here. I shouldn't do this to him, he doesn't deserve it, shouldn't be put aside this easily. 

And I hear in my head his voice. *Duty.* 

*Fuck* duty! I just want my Benny! I'm seriously tempted to tie him up, and kidnap him to some deserted tropical island where he can build us a house out of coconuts and we can live there together, away from everything and everyone who might try to keep us apart. 

Benny starts to rub my back, and I am *this close* to embarrassing the hell out of myself by sobbing like a baby. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to go to Las Vegas. I don't want to go. I can't go. I can't even justify this to myself. I have no real reason. 

He has a magic touch. No matter what, he can always get me going better than anyone else ever has. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how *I* do it. Soon enough, we're going at it for the third time--well, it has been a few hours since round two... 

Goddammit, I can't stop myself. He's *mine* and I don't even want him to *think* about anyone else. I think I'm hurting him. 

"You're *mine,* Benny," I say, my voice sounding a bit harsh to my own ears. I grip his hips tightly as I pull them back to meet mine, and I think that I'm going to leave bruises. 

"Yes, Ray!" he gasps, throwing his head back with a moan as I slam almost *viciously* into him. "Yours! All yours!" 

I know I'm hurting him. 

But fuck it all, I think he's liking it. 

I hate myself. 

It seems to go on forever, but not long enough, as I... I *use* his body. He doesn't *deserve* this. What the hell am I doing this to him for? But it's too much, too much, and when he practically screams my name, I actually *bite* him, I bite his shoulder and fuck it, he's bleeding, but then I'm coming and it doesn't matter, and he doesn't say anything, not one single complaint as he lies there with me sprawled across his back. 

I'm such an asshole. 

And as I take the valiant effort to climb off him, I look at his face, and fuck *him*--and it's not as if I haven't been doing enough of *that* lately--because he's lying there with this *smile* on his face and I actually think I want to hit him. 

"Oh, God, Ray." Good God, I'm amazed he still has the power of speech. "I love you so much." 

I'm slime. 

"I love you too, Benny," I tell him, and he rolls onto his side and I'm in his arms again. 

On second thought, I'm worse than slime. 

He never did anything to me. Nothing that *I* didn't deserve because I was such a chicken-shit for not telling him in the first place that I've wanted to jump his bones since the instant he asked for "Detective Armani." So why am I doing this to him? 

FIN.


End file.
